In whom I Delight: August 2014

[adoption] - psychological tests

one step forward.

if i think about about the overall process of adopting, it overwhelms me. all the paperwork. all the spent money on tests, agency fees, specific needed government papers. all the personal questions. all fundraising. all of it.

but i'm learning that i need to only be focusing on the task ahead of me. to take one step at a time. and to be excited when a step has been taken.

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:24

i have come back to this verse over and over in my life. and it has come back again as we are trying to tackle the task for the day. today, it was going in for our psychological interview, to figure out what 2 tests we should take. this is a new requirement for adopting from South Korea, due to the death of a 3 year old boy in Maryland after only being place in his new adopted home for a year.more details

so yes, i do understand why this is being implemented, but when i hear the word - TEST - it brings me back to being in high school or college preparing for exams. the anxiety i would get staring at the questions. and the anxiety again waiting for the results. and the word - PSYCHOLOGICAL - just makes me think of schizophrenia, or someone who just isn't all there. so i'll give you a glimpse of what goes through my head. (what if i fail a test that now tells me i'm psycho?) haha! i'm writing this and it sounds absolutely hilarious, but it seriously crossed my mind. oh dear!!

we sit down to meet the doctor and right off the cuff he is asking if we have any mental issues he should know of. "do you or have you struggled with depression or anxiety?" my heart is racing at this point. i don't want to lie but i don't want to be completely honest because i don't want to hurt our chances of adopting. knowing my character i can't lie. i reluctantly tell him about my anxiety with tests and all that i went through with my parents divorce and most recently the postpartum depression i had after Joy was born. as i sit there i'm analyzing every word that comes out of my mouth. slip of the tongue i say, "i like things done right and a certain way." oops! he then asks "would you say you are OCD?" this is why i have a hard time psychologist. sometimes i feel like they want to grasp at a diagnosis that isn't there. then, he goes through the process with Tim. he reassures us (more like me) that we seem like a great couple & great family, that we have nothing to worry about, that the korean agencies just want to make sure we aren't homicidal and that he believes we are far from that. phew....

one step completed. we are moving forward with tests next week!

http://www.gofundme.com/thebarkeradoption

12:35 PM
1 Comments

[adoption] - the beginnings

adoption

My husband and I’s heart has been burdened to adopt for a long time, well before we even knew each other. We have had many up and downs along the way. We started seriously researching information right after our second child, Joy, was born. I was beyond excited when mail and phone calls started to flood in. Just looking through the information gave me goosebumps. After several conversations I started to hear things that crushed me. At the time I was only 21. I know I know. I was a baby to even be thinking about adopting my third child. But my heart was ready and willing.

I thought I had heard everything. “You are too young”, “Your youngest is too young.”, “Adopting for that particular country will take 4 years”, “that country is closing the doors.” “You have too many kids.” I think the hardest part for me to process is that these wonderfully created children just need a loving family, but they are putting all these restrictions in place that does the opposite. Another thing I just had to surrender to the Lord.

Resurrection church was putting on an adoption expo and awareness seminar for a day. We were ecstatic to go and learn about the reality of adopting and struggles that come with it. But that very morning we found out I was pregnant with number 3. I won’t lie. I just balled my eyes out. I had planned everything out. I would have 2 and then adopt, and finish off with having another. See in my mind I wanted the adopted child to feel like they were thought of before our children arrived, that they were planned. For some reason, for me, adopting after you are done having your biological felt like an after thought. And I wanted this child to feel like they were planned and desired from the beginning. Now, obviously, that thought process is flawed, but that is where i was.

I ended up having a miscarriage with that child, and several more after. I kept on wondering why God would allow all the pregnancies for nothing. Why couldn’t He have just let us adopt. It would have worked out perfectly. And i still some times wonder why. But it doesn’t matter. God’s time in all of it is perfect and His thoughts are higher than ours.

We did end up having a third biological child, Rowan, who is now almost 2. And he is a ball of smiles and love that i can't imagine life without.

We started the process with Bethany Christian Services, here in Grand Rapids, but after the formal application was approved and the classes began, Tim and I both felt uneasy and weren’t on the same page. That was the last thing I wanted, to not be in it together. So we called them and let them know that we were no longer going to be needing their services and appreciated their invested time in us. After lots of prayer and advice from other families we started do more research on agencies. We ended up finding an agency that seemed to fit us perfectly, the agency is called AIAA (Americans for International Aid & Adoption). They were recommended to us from another agency I had contacted. I quickly called them and knew immediately that this would be the agency we would go with. I had Tim call them with another list of questions and it almost seemed unreal how it lined up with everything we were hoping for. Tim was excited. I was excited. We couldn’t wait to get things started. We are now OFFICIALLY adopting from SOUTH KOREA.

We have finally reached the point of starting our home study and psychological tests. Our first step is to raise $2,500 to begin the home study process and after that, another $29,000. We can’t do this alone. We would love for you to pray for our family as we go through this process. Our God is faithful, and we know He can supply our every need.

I will be updating my blog with our progress and upcoming fundraisers. Please feel free to email me or contact me if you have questions and or ideas. If you want to help but don't know how Check out our gofundme.com/thebarkeradoption

thanks friends!

10:38 AM
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In whom I Delight

[adoption] - psychological tests

[adoption] - the beginnings

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