In whom I Delight

{adoption} - weak & human

I’m weak & human.

I find myself falling on my knees in prayer a lot these days. I catch myself wiping tears that sneak out from behind the walls… I’ve become more vulnerable than I have ever been in my life… even though I’m not pregnant I feel like I have the same crazy hormones that causes me to feel like I could cry at any moment because of a song played on the radio, a sermon I might listen to, or if someone said the right or wrong thing to me… when did I get this way? Don’t get me wrong, I do believe being completely transparent & raw allows people to see that we are human and can’t do things apart for our Father. But currently I wish I could rein in the emotion a little bit. I don’t want to scare people away.

Our adoption has been such an eye opener for me. I never realized how much I cared about how people viewed me & my home until our homestudy came around. I never realized how much I was lacking in my FAITH until I kept questioning if we are going to come up with enough money for our adoption. I realized that I have an amazing husband who loves me unconditionally through this crazy time in our life & who won’t stop for anything to bring home our baby! God is so GOOD though! He doesn’t give us struggles to make life harder for us, He gives us struggles to refine us, to bring us closer to Him. To remind us where our strength comes from…

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalms 73:26

I keep wondering why I question God. I pray and He answers. I pray again and He answers again. Yet, my flesh keeps throwing doubt in my face and I seem to follow it to nowhere good. Then, He gently reminds me that my fears and doubts do not come from Him and that He too loves me unconditionally through all my failures & through my repetitive SIN to not believe in His control and provisions. I’m finally coming out on the other side and believing in His SOVEREIGNTY. Understanding that He ultimately makes our plans.

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21

So here I am humbled by God’s grace and mercy for me.

12:13 PM
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{adoption} - Adoption Awareness Month

adoption

This is not my photo. It was taken from the internet of an orphanage in Korea.

NATIONAL ADOPTION AWARENESS MONTH

There are 153,000,000 orphans in this world. We want to make that less.

I stumbled upon a horrific youtube series documenting the abuse and neglect of orphanages in Bulgaria. I was a mess. My heart was aching for these children who live and sit in their own filth. For me, this was an eye opener of how truly many orphanages are run. Many of these children end up in these orphanages because of minor/correctable issues such as blindness, deaf, club foot, etc... but because of malnutrition, lack of stimulation, and lack of medical care these children become bedridden quickly and form severe learning disabilities.

If you are interested in opening your eyes to what is really going on in other countries and care for orphans watch Bulgaria's Abandoned Children .

Here is a little section from an article by Russell Moore:

Author of “Adopted for Life”

“The creepiest sound I have ever heard was nothing at all. My wife, Maria, and I stood in

the hallway of an orphanage somewhere in the former Soviet Union, on the first of two

trips required for our petition to adopt. Orphanage staff led us down a hallway to greet

the two 1-year-olds we hoped would become our sons. The horror wasn't the squalor and

the stench, although we at times stifled the urge to vomit and weep. The horror was the

quiet of it all. The place was more silent than a funeral home by night.

I stopped and pulled on Maria's elbow. "Why is it so quiet? The place is filled with

babies." Both of us compared the stillness with the buzz and punctuated squeals that

came from our church nursery back home. Here, if we listened carefully enough, we

could hear babies rocking themselves back and forth, the crib slats gently bumping

against the walls. These children did not cry, because infants eventually learn to stop

crying if no one ever responds to their calls for food, for comfort, for love. No one ever

responded to these children. So they stopped.

The silence continued as we entered the boys' room. Little Sergei (now Timothy) smiled

at us, dancing up and down while holding the side of his crib. Little Maxim (now

Benjamin) stood straight at attention, regal and czar-like. But neither boy made a sound.

We read them books filled with words they couldn't understand, about saying goodnight

to the moon and cows jumping over the same. But there were no cries, no squeals, no

groans. Every day we left at the appointed time in the same way we had entered: in

silence.

On the last day of the trip, Maria and I arrived at the moment we had dreaded since the

minute we received our adoption referral. We had to tell the boys goodbye, as by law we

had to return to the United States and wait for the legal paperwork to be completed before

returning to pick them up for good. After hugging and kissing them, we walked out into

the quiet hallway as Maria shook with tears. And that's when we heard the scream.”

Russell Moore’s book is phenomenal and I encourage everyone to read it whether you are

adopting or not! Click here if you would like to read the rest of the article!

Wow! What a journey our adoption has been so far! We started back in May with emails

and phone calls with Americans for International Aid & Adoption (AIAA). According

to them, we were thinking we could be bringing home a child by Christmas 2015.

We thought that was a remarkably short waiting time compared to many other adoption

stories.

But here we are...we just finished our homestudy which went incredibly well.

Our social worker thinks we are a great candidate for an adoption. We have spent

countless times in prayer over our child and this process. We have prayed that

things would go smoothly and quickly. And God has answered those prayers! We

got a call last week saying that it is VERY likely we could have a referral before THIS

Christmas!! Now let me clarify, a referral does not mean we will have a child in hand,

a referral means that we are given all the information the agency has on the child

selected for us. We then, after consulting an international adoption doctor, can

choose to accept or decline. When we accept, from that point forward in

our mind that child is OURS. We will have pictures & videos sent to us of him/her. And we will

begin the attachment to this child.

So getting this phone call that we could have a referral was extremely exciting

but extremely nerve racking. We now have to come up with $30,000 before this

Christmas!! When we accept a referral we are required to pay the agency that

money! And then 5 months later we will have to come up with probably another

$8,000 for traveling expense. I am sharing this with you all because we cannot

do this on our own!!! We couldn’t have been able to do it on our own before they

changed the timeline, but now more than ever we NEED your help! We need to raise

a lot of money in a very SHORT period of time!!

We've started a fundraiser called Big Beards for a Baby to raise the funds we will need to

bring this sweet one home! Our goal is $30,000 and this will go towards all the costs that

this adoption will involve. Thank you for supporting us financially and through prayer! Our

God is so faithful & we know He will supply all of our needs!

Please feel free to share this website with anyone else that would like to support our

adoption!

The Barkers

9:53 AM
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{adoption} - Big Beards for a Baby

adoption

"If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever-- the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."

-John 14:15-21

It's no surprise that international adoption is expensive! For us, it's going to cost around $38,000... possibly more. As a young family, we knew this was going to be a bit of a challenge. I have spent countless afternoons (kids nap time) and evenings researching grants, fundraisers and ways to bring in extra money which is why I started my laced arrow jewelry.

I happened upon this website belonging to a couple (Courtney and DJ Hoffman) who are also in the process of adopting from South Korea. (I thought to myself this can't be a coincidence.) I was researching adoption fundraisers and specifically hoping to find some kind of idea for raising money with Beards. No Shave November has always been a big deal with the guys in my family! Why not do something involving beards? Its the latest fun thing for guys in the winter time! So with that being said, this couple figured out a creative way to do a fundraiser for their adoption. I immediately emailed the blog to my husband to get his thoughts and then emailed this couple about possibly using their idea. I got a reply in a couple of hours. I was blown away, not by the fact that they emailed me, but that they emailed me minutes before meeting their son for the first time in Korea and that they were excited for us & wanted to pass on any information that they had from their fundraiser to us. God reveals Himself in mysterious ways. He knew what I was looking for! From the beginning I felt like God's hand has been orchestrating this whole fundraiser ALL the way to this week!

November 1st we just launched our biggest fundraiser, Big Beards for a Baby: a Good ol' Beard-a-Thon. What better time then NO SHAVE NOVEMBER & National Adoption Awareness Month? We have spent time, lots of money, and energy preparing for this fundraiser. Honestly, it kind of feels like a a full-time job right now but I will say that this has been every bit worth it. I know that what lies at the end of all of this stress & anxiety is a home & forever family for an orphan! My child will be in my arms and I can finally whisper God's Holy Name in his/her ear! And love this child unconditionally like our Father does for us! okay...ah...stop crying Rachel....

Here is how it works: We are recruiting men to grow out their beards for 6 months (November 1st-May 1) they are responsible for finding a minimum 10 people to sponsor their beard growth at $10 per month, for a total of $60 each by the end of the fundraiser. All funds raised will go directly towards our adoption fees. There are a number of ways that people can be involved in our fundraiser and we would love the help of anyone interested! Here are a few ways you can participate:

Follow :This will have our latest & greatest.

Help Us Spread the Word: You can follow on Twitter @beardsforababy. Retweet us to your friends and family. Follow us on Instagram @bigbeardsforababy. Repost our pictures and share on your feed! #bigbeardsforababy muyyh7777-oun

Consider Sponsoring a beard grower. To meet all of our handsome men here and donate through monthly sponsorships or one time donation.

Or take the plunge & Grow a Beard!
Purchase either a beard comb or t-shirt here!

Lastly, for those of you who are Believers in Christ. We would love your PRAYERS!

Our hope in this fundraiser is not to just raise money, but raise adoption awareness! There are millions of children in the world needing homes & loving families not just internationally but in your home town. We are raising funds for just one of those orphans! Please prayerfully considering partnering with us to change the life of one child!

Thank you so much in advance for all the help in our adoption adventure!!

2:58 PM
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{laced arrow} - fun in the sun

etsyshop

It seems like yesterday when summer's sweet sun was peeking out from the clouds ready to make its debut, and in a flash fall has arrived. I will say that normally I would be absolutely thrilled, but for some reason fall has crept up way faster then expected. It didn't just gradually go from summer to fall either. it went from 80s to 60s... basically from tanks to sweaters over night. not cool! I'm starting to settle into the idea of a cup of tea, sweats, & jewelry as a nightly treat. I didn't do much with laced arrow over the summer not because I didn't want to but merely not enough time of day to spend with my children and promoting my business.

Now that school is in session and I'm finally establishing a routine. I feel like i can resume normalcy and get back into selling older pieces and designing some new pieces for the fall. But in the beginning of summer I had the amazing opportunity to work with a lovely lady & photographer. She did an extraordinary job capturing the beauty of my jewelry. She went out of her way and asked friends/models to style with them.

Katy Johnson

She is a very bright & ambitious 17 year old from southern California. She has been taking photos ever since she can remember. When she was little and living in Oklahoma, her mom gave her an old point & shoot film camera of hers and she started off taking photos of these penguin sculptures around town. It wasn’t much, but she really loved the idea of having a physical, permanent copy of an image of something that she loved. She only recently started taking photography seriously almost four years ago now. She would absolutely love photography as a career. Right now she is planning to go to college for journalism or photojournalism. She currently works for a magazine and her ultimate dream would be shooting & interviewing bands for Rolling Stone. Check out her photography. www.kgenre.com

Our "bremen arrow" "röbel" & "möhne" are featured in the following pictures!

if you like any of these pieces or would like to see other designs.

please visit our shop! or would like to see updates follow us on instagram @lacedarrowJewel

all proceeds are going to our adoption & would love for it to eventually be poured back into other families in the process. thanks for stopping by!!

6:22 AM
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{adoption} bike-a-thon

adoption

i'm excited to announce that my husband is doing a bike-a-thon to raise money for our adoption. he is challenging himself to ride well over a 100 miles for the month of September. we are hoping that you will prayerfully consider sponsoring him per mile. not only is this an opportunity to support our adoption but it is an opportunity to challenge tim to push harder to meet a goal weight.

there are a couple of ways to do this:

-comment below with $/mile

-private message tim or i with $/mile

-private message tim on his bike-a-thon Facebook page

-a one time donate below

8:36 PM
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[adoption] - psychological tests

adoption

one step forward.

if i think about about the overall process of adopting, it overwhelms me. all the paperwork. all the spent money on tests, agency fees, specific needed government papers. all the personal questions. all fundraising. all of it.

but i'm learning that i need to only be focusing on the task ahead of me. to take one step at a time. and to be excited when a step has been taken.

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:24

i have come back to this verse over and over in my life. and it has come back again as we are trying to tackle the task for the day. today, it was going in for our psychological interview, to figure out what 2 tests we should take. this is a new requirement for adopting from South Korea, due to the death of a 3 year old boy in Maryland after only being place in his new adopted home for a year.more details

so yes, i do understand why this is being implemented, but when i hear the word - TEST - it brings me back to being in high school or college preparing for exams. the anxiety i would get staring at the questions. and the anxiety again waiting for the results. and the word - PSYCHOLOGICAL - just makes me think of schizophrenia, or someone who just isn't all there. so i'll give you a glimpse of what goes through my head. (what if i fail a test that now tells me i'm psycho?) haha! i'm writing this and it sounds absolutely hilarious, but it seriously crossed my mind. oh dear!!

we sit down to meet the doctor and right off the cuff he is asking if we have any mental issues he should know of. "do you or have you struggled with depression or anxiety?" my heart is racing at this point. i don't want to lie but i don't want to be completely honest because i don't want to hurt our chances of adopting. knowing my character i can't lie. i reluctantly tell him about my anxiety with tests and all that i went through with my parents divorce and most recently the postpartum depression i had after Joy was born. as i sit there i'm analyzing every word that comes out of my mouth. slip of the tongue i say, "i like things done right and a certain way." oops! he then asks "would you say you are OCD?" this is why i have a hard time psychologist. sometimes i feel like they want to grasp at a diagnosis that isn't there. then, he goes through the process with Tim. he reassures us (more like me) that we seem like a great couple & great family, that we have nothing to worry about, that the korean agencies just want to make sure we aren't homicidal and that he believes we are far from that. phew....

one step completed. we are moving forward with tests next week!

http://www.gofundme.com/thebarkeradoption

12:35 PM
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[adoption] - the beginnings

adoption

My husband and I’s heart has been burdened to adopt for a long time, well before we even knew each other. We have had many up and downs along the way. We started seriously researching information right after our second child, Joy, was born. I was beyond excited when mail and phone calls started to flood in. Just looking through the information gave me goosebumps. After several conversations I started to hear things that crushed me. At the time I was only 21. I know I know. I was a baby to even be thinking about adopting my third child. But my heart was ready and willing.

I thought I had heard everything. “You are too young”, “Your youngest is too young.”, “Adopting for that particular country will take 4 years”, “that country is closing the doors.” “You have too many kids.” I think the hardest part for me to process is that these wonderfully created children just need a loving family, but they are putting all these restrictions in place that does the opposite. Another thing I just had to surrender to the Lord.

Resurrection church was putting on an adoption expo and awareness seminar for a day. We were ecstatic to go and learn about the reality of adopting and struggles that come with it. But that very morning we found out I was pregnant with number 3. I won’t lie. I just balled my eyes out. I had planned everything out. I would have 2 and then adopt, and finish off with having another. See in my mind I wanted the adopted child to feel like they were thought of before our children arrived, that they were planned. For some reason, for me, adopting after you are done having your biological felt like an after thought. And I wanted this child to feel like they were planned and desired from the beginning. Now, obviously, that thought process is flawed, but that is where i was.

I ended up having a miscarriage with that child, and several more after. I kept on wondering why God would allow all the pregnancies for nothing. Why couldn’t He have just let us adopt. It would have worked out perfectly. And i still some times wonder why. But it doesn’t matter. God’s time in all of it is perfect and His thoughts are higher than ours.

We did end up having a third biological child, Rowan, who is now almost 2. And he is a ball of smiles and love that i can't imagine life without.

We started the process with Bethany Christian Services, here in Grand Rapids, but after the formal application was approved and the classes began, Tim and I both felt uneasy and weren’t on the same page. That was the last thing I wanted, to not be in it together. So we called them and let them know that we were no longer going to be needing their services and appreciated their invested time in us. After lots of prayer and advice from other families we started do more research on agencies. We ended up finding an agency that seemed to fit us perfectly, the agency is called AIAA (Americans for International Aid & Adoption). They were recommended to us from another agency I had contacted. I quickly called them and knew immediately that this would be the agency we would go with. I had Tim call them with another list of questions and it almost seemed unreal how it lined up with everything we were hoping for. Tim was excited. I was excited. We couldn’t wait to get things started. We are now OFFICIALLY adopting from SOUTH KOREA.

We have finally reached the point of starting our home study and psychological tests. Our first step is to raise $2,500 to begin the home study process and after that, another $29,000. We can’t do this alone. We would love for you to pray for our family as we go through this process. Our God is faithful, and we know He can supply our every need.

I will be updating my blog with our progress and upcoming fundraisers. Please feel free to email me or contact me if you have questions and or ideas. If you want to help but don't know how Check out our gofundme.com/thebarkeradoption

thanks friends!