one step forward.
but i'm learning that i need to only be focusing on the task ahead of me. to take one step at a time. and to be excited when a step has been taken.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:24
i have come back to this verse over and over in my life. and it has come back again as we are trying to tackle the task for the day. today, it was going in for our psychological interview, to figure out what 2 tests we should take. this is a new requirement for adopting from South Korea, due to the death of a 3 year old boy in Maryland after only being place in his new adopted home for a year.more details
so yes, i do understand why this is being implemented, but when i hear the word - TEST - it brings me back to being in high school or college preparing for exams. the anxiety i would get staring at the questions. and the anxiety again waiting for the results. and the word - PSYCHOLOGICAL - just makes me think of schizophrenia, or someone who just isn't all there. so i'll give you a glimpse of what goes through my head. (what if i fail a test that now tells me i'm psycho?) haha! i'm writing this and it sounds absolutely hilarious, but it seriously crossed my mind. oh dear!!
so yes, i do understand why this is being implemented, but when i hear the word - TEST - it brings me back to being in high school or college preparing for exams. the anxiety i would get staring at the questions. and the anxiety again waiting for the results. and the word - PSYCHOLOGICAL - just makes me think of schizophrenia, or someone who just isn't all there. so i'll give you a glimpse of what goes through my head. (what if i fail a test that now tells me i'm psycho?) haha! i'm writing this and it sounds absolutely hilarious, but it seriously crossed my mind. oh dear!!
we sit down to meet the doctor and right off the cuff he is asking if we have any mental issues he should know of. "do you or have you struggled with depression or anxiety?" my heart is racing at this point. i don't want to lie but i don't want to be completely honest because i don't want to hurt our chances of adopting. knowing my character i can't lie. i reluctantly tell him about my anxiety with tests and all that i went through with my parents divorce and most recently the postpartum depression i had after Joy was born. as i sit there i'm analyzing every word that comes out of my mouth. slip of the tongue i say, "i like things done right and a certain way." oops! he then asks "would you say you are OCD?" this is why i have a hard time psychologist. sometimes i feel like they want to grasp at a diagnosis that isn't there. then, he goes through the process with Tim. he reassures us (more like me) that we seem like a great couple & great family, that we have nothing to worry about, that the korean agencies just want to make sure we aren't homicidal and that he believes we are far from that. phew....
one step completed. we are moving forward with tests next week!
- 12:35 PM
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