{adoption} - weak & human
12:13 PM
I’m weak & human.
I find myself falling on my knees in prayer a lot these
days. I catch myself wiping tears that sneak out from behind the walls… I’ve
become more vulnerable than I have ever been in my life… even though I’m not
pregnant I feel like I have the same crazy hormones that causes me to feel like
I could cry at any moment because of a song played on the radio, a sermon I
might listen to, or if someone said the right or wrong thing to me… when did I
get this way? Don’t get me wrong, I do believe being completely transparent
& raw allows people to see that we are human and can’t do things apart for
our Father. But currently I wish I could rein in the emotion a little bit. I
don’t want to scare people away.
Our adoption has been such an eye opener for me. I never
realized how much I cared about how people viewed me & my home until our
homestudy came around. I never realized how much I was lacking in my FAITH
until I kept questioning if we are going to come up with enough money for our
adoption. I realized that I have an
amazing husband who loves me unconditionally through this crazy time in our
life & who won’t stop for anything to bring home our baby! God is so GOOD though! He doesn’t give us
struggles to make life harder for us, He gives us struggles to refine us, to
bring us closer to Him. To remind us where our strength comes from…
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my
heart and my portion forever.” Psalms 73:26
I keep wondering why I question God. I pray and He answers.
I pray again and He answers again. Yet, my flesh keeps throwing doubt in my
face and I seem to follow it to nowhere good. Then, He gently reminds me that
my fears and doubts do not come from Him and that He too loves me
unconditionally through all my failures & through my repetitive SIN to not
believe in His control and provisions. I’m finally coming out on the other side
and believing in His SOVEREIGNTY.
Understanding that He ultimately makes our plans.
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose
of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21
So here I am humbled by God’s grace and mercy for me.
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