i have never considered myself a lost & wondering sheep... "sinner? yes." but "lost? no." thats for those who have strayed away from the Lord or who has had their own agenda since the beginning of time, but me? no. little nobody me has been good and straight for quite some time... oh but thats is the problem.

see i'm the eldest child. who know, the guinea pig of all parenting. the one your parents learn what they should or shouldn't do with the rest of the kids they have. my mom called me the "fair police." oh gosh was i ever. anything my brothers had i felt like i was owed the same. if something had to be split, well, she had me cut it and then my brother choose. it was the only way i felt like it would be fair, i guess. As the eldest, you tend to be the rule follower, some call it "goody two shoes" or "teachers pet". yup those were all my names. But even as an adult i find myself comparing what i have and don't have to others especially my family...what the heck. so wrong. i don't know why. its such a root heart issue that I have always struggled with and I can see it as i look back at my life. I get all bent out shape STILL when things don't look equal especially for my family who has lived this life of following the rules, not being needy, not squandering what has been given to us, and always being thankful.

WAKE UP CALL!!!

i am the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son.  whoa!!! and not in a good way. the older brother was all up in anger when his brother came home and his father through a big old feast, or lets just say, a Party. This younger brother squandered EVERYTHING on prostitutes, material things, whatever he saw, but the older brother stayed home worked hard, did everything his father asked of him and never saw anything for it. So this older brother was furious because his father lavished clothes & food at his long lost son whom he thought he would never see. is that you? because that would have totally been me. maybe not to that extreme, but sure i would have compared myself and said wait a minute....i have been here doing everything you asked, doing more than that and you haven't done anything to celebrate me....

pause for a second

have you noticed that we are such transactional beings? "if i serve you then you serve me" if I buy you dinner, you can get the coffee afterwards" or have you seen this one? #followforfollow #likeforlike (its the i do therefore i get attitude) BUT our God isn't. HE LOVES US because we are that VALUABLE not because we did anything to deserve it.

i'm sorry but this little sheep has been comparing people and putting distance between me and my Father for quite sometime and when you are excited about seeing yourself and seeing your Father in a whole new light you just have to SHARE.  i will admit it openly because i think it needs to be out there for everyone to see, but i am one of those christians who goes to church and then lacks in prayer & devotion time during the week... who is insecure and thinks anything i do is a failure or won't measure up... that some how my value and worth is wrapped up in what people say i am. WRONG! praise the Lord i'm not believing in that lie anymore...

Please Read Luke 15:11-32.

If you are interested go take a listen to the sermons done on this chapter. First & Second (not up quite yet will tag when its available)

sorry this post might be so confusing...but i think i just need to write my thoughts down. God definitely didn't give me the gifts of words and writing, but thats okay!

side side note: my name means little lamb

Shirt: H&M
Pants: H&M 
Necklace: Forever21
Shoes: Macys